Matsvin

I havent blogged for the past couple of months.I did write a bit but these never became full fledged blogs.I thought of posting them however..So here we have some random writing...
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When I get hurt I crawl into a shell.I am a true cancerian that way.Cancerians never approach anything directly.They imitate the crab that way.They either go back or sideways but never go direct.
Is it because of the rejection factor?I don’t like to generalize here.I for one am the worrier.I worry about everything.Its not an all consuming behaviour.Thank god for that!But I do worry.
There was a time when I used to worry what others thought about me.I am glad to say that time was long ago.I learnt the hard way that I cannot please EVERYONE.Nowadays I just don’t react .I sometimes come across as being arrogant but people close to me know the real me and that’s what matters anyways.

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I read ‘Twilight’ at last.Well, it was more of a curiosity to know just what the heck the hype was all about.I liked the book and now I am waiting to see the movie.I love reading.This time when I had been to Chennia I brought the book ‘The Famous Five’.This was the book which started it all.I read this when I was in the 6th standard and what started as a hobby turned into a passion.I wanted it as a keeper in my bookshelf!
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Matsya is going to be two in a few days.My baby is growing up..fast.My feelings abot this are ineffable.I have tried to put it in words but I don’t think I can.The love a mother feels for her child is something u cannot give a form to.Its like a flame.There is no beginning and there is no end.I love looking at the world through his eyes..The excitement he feels everytime he looks at something new is so catching.
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We had been to Carmel beach today.I love the beaches in the US,be it Atlantic or the Pacific but nothing compares to the beauty of The Marina Beach in good old Madras.The feel of the wind on your face with a taste of salt,the softness of the sand as we walk through, the noise of the busy traffic fading as we walk to the water, the sounds of children playing around and ofcourse the aroma of hot, tasty bajjis/vadas/pakodas...Aah!Heaven!Its a celebration everyday of the year.
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My thatha is no more with us.I have put off writing it because writing somehow gives it a sense of finality and I wasn’t ready for it.I wish I could have seen him one last time.I am trying to remember the last conversation I had with him and I cannot because I never knew that it would be the last.I try to remember the feel of him as I hugged him good bye the last time I was in madras and I cannot because I never knew that it would it would be the last time I felt his loving hands embrace me.
But I have the memories..memories of walking beside him to the busstand,of singing bhajans on Sri RamNavami’s,of drinking afternoon tea and talking about the days happenings..lots of good memories and I am thankful for that.